After You
by RedRibbonExorcist
Summary: Allen wakes up in some gorgeous guy's bed, with no recollection of the night before. He is willing to do anything to find out what happened. Main pairing is AllenxLavi. Slight AllenxKanda.
1. Chapter 1

I struggle to open my eyes. My head hurts. I'm snuggled into warm, soft sheets and covers. I yawn and sit up in bed, realizing quickly that I'm not in my own apartment. The apartment I live in is a cardboard box compared to this place. The bed is huge, and all the decoration I can see in the room is extremely modern, all a sleek design, in metal and tones of gray, black, and red. If I look directly across from me, there isn't a wall but a window that reaches from wall to wall, with the most amazing city view you could ever imagine. As I move to get up, I touch something with my hand. I look over, to find some gorgeous guy I've never seen before lying in bed next to me. He's so gorgeous. A ridiculous shade of orange, hair, spiky, fluffy, and messy. I don't want to touch him, afraid I'll wake him up and to be confronted as to why I'm in his bed. In fact, I haven't even given the slightest thought as to why I'm in his bed. I swing my legs to the side and get up. My feet touch the hardwood floors. They aren't cold at are, they might even be heated. I walk over to the huge window and look out over the city. It's beautiful. The sky is gray and sets an off white glow to the industrial city and it starts to rain lightly. The odd light coming in makes me realize I have a headache, or rather a hangover, and I decide I shouldn't stick around all day in case I start to feel sick. I take off the clothes I'm wearing, not mine either, and find my clothing. After I get dressed, I search around for some paper and a pen. Old school. I leave a note on his kitchen counter.

_Thanks for bringing me home with you. I don't remember any of last night. _

_If you wouldn't mind filling me in sometime, my name is Allen. I wish I knew yours. _

I fold the paper in half and write my phone number on the top half. I leave the pen on top. I can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do in a situation like this. I mean, I've honestly never done this before. I've never woken up in a stranger's home, slept in someone else's bed, or gotten so drunk I couldn't remember what happened the night before. I can't even say that I regret what happened last night, having no memory of the events that took place. I grab my phone and leave his place. I hadn't guessed a while ago, but as I get on the elevator and hit the button for the first floor, I look up and watch the digital numbers change, count down, starting from forty-six. There are One-hundred and thirty-five floors in this building. I get down to the first floor and find my way out of the lobby. Honestly this place looks like more of a hotel then an condo complex. I have a feeling today will be full or coincidences and surprises. These service apartments happen to be located right on the main street of the city, Grand Ave., and the subway is a short five minute walk from here. I walk past this place everyday to get to work. I start off on the short walk to get to the station.

Its only nine thirty A.M. when I get off the train. A short walk gets me to my apartment. I get home and plop down on the couch. I know I should go shower and get ready for work, but I can't think straight. I'm so tired suddenly. My head still hurts, and I want to sleep it off. I wish I could remember what happened last night. I should probably call the office and tell them I'm not coming in today.

Just as I start to doze of, sitting there on the couch, my text tone goes off and scares me so bad I literally get off the couch to grab my phone when it's only inches away from me. I tap the screen to unlock it, and see the text waiting for me. Already? This can't be him already! The number isn't listed in my phone, so it just shows up as digits. I slide the "View" button along to read it.

"New Message" is displayed on the screen. I click it and get a picture of the guy I woke up next to this morning. The text underneath it reads "Is the the guy you went home with last night?"

I'm confused. So it's not him? But then who wants to know if I went home with him last night? I did, and I want to figure out who wants to know, so I respond. I back out of the message and hit "respond."

"Yes. Who is this?"

I hit send and sit back down trying to figure out what's going on. I realize I still haven't called into work. A few minutes pass, and I get another message. The same person as before. I open the message and read it.

"All you need to know is that he's taken. Happily taken. Don't come back and don't talk to him again if you don't want a confrontation. "

A second messages comes in. View.

"I mean it. I'll kick your ass. And if I find out you slept with him, hope I never see your face again"

How do you even reply to something like that? I don't know. I lock my phone and set it down. I feel sick suddenly, worse than I did before. I unlock it and look at them again. What am I supposed to do? I can't even believe this is happening. I leave my phone on the couch and get up to take a shower. I need to think about something else for a while.

I can't stop thinking about him. That gorgeous guy, his jealous boyfriend. The ever creeping fact that I may have slept with another guy, but I really don't know. I mean, you'd think, there would be some obvious signs, but as far as I can tell it doesn't seem like I did anything last night. Except drink excessively. I don't even know how I cant think straight, at this point my head feels awful and I feel like I could vomit. I wash my hair and then get to scrubbing my body when I feel a sharp pain as I scrub the back of my neck. I wash off the soap and feel the spot with my hand, reach back and pressing down on the area that hurts, but I stop immediately because it hurts so bad. It feels like a giant whelp. I finish getting clean and get out of the shower. I try turning around and looking behind me in the mirror, to see why that area aches. I reach back to feel it again. It looks like a weird mark. It's not a bruise or anything, but it's a decent size and red. I move my fingers over it slowly, not applying any pressure. The skin is tender, even to such a light touch, and I feel smooth, strange abrasions right over the top layer of skin. It's a bite mark.

I reach around in the cabinet to find some aspirin and grab a glass for water. I take the pills and lay on my bed. I start to feel around, touch other areas of my body to see if there are any other strange marks. I don't find any. I wonder if I willingly let a stranger bite me. The thought seems so weird, gross even. I have got to find out what happened last night!


	2. Chapter 2

I find an over sized shirt and put it on to cover myself. I'm not really feeling any better, but at least I'm clean now. I go back to the living room and grab my phone from the couch. Ten new messages! They're all from that angry guy! I read through a few of them but it all sounds like nonsense. This guy sounds like some jealous girlfriend, and that's how I know he must be dating the guy I woke up with. I reply back to a random one trying to get anything from him, I just ask him his name.

"None of your fucking business. You stay away from me, and you stay away from Lavi."

And there it was. He gave me exactly what I wanted. Lavi. Well, at least now I know my gorgeous mystery man's name. Now if only I could figure out why I was in bed with him, and how I got to his apartment. What now?

I can't call him or talk to him, not because I'm too afraid of what that other guy, will do if I do, but because I don't have his phone number. I really probably shouldn't anyway. If that's how this guy talks to a complete stranger, I can only imagine the ear full poor Lavi is going to get when he finally does wake up. Still, now it's sinking in. I feel awful. What if I ruined their relationship? Clearly, if Lavi has a boyfriend, then that means he was cheating. He was cheating on him with me. I wish I could talk to him, just to figure out what went down last night. It's killing me that I can't remember anything. There's no way I can ask this psycho for Lavi's number. I don't know what to do. Whatever. It's not like I could apologize or anything anyway. I don't even know what I did, or if I did anything to begin with!

I decide to forget about the whole thing for just enough time to call into work. I'll just make a quick phone call and be done with this and try to do something with all of that in a minute. I start to dial the office number and when my phone starts to guess at who I'm trying to call I tap the screen and click the call button.

"Black Order Publishing. How may I help you?" Her voice is so sweet.

"Ah! Lenalee! It's Allen. I'm sorry to say that I won't be coming in today. I just need today off. Make sure Mr. Cross finds out last, okay? " I get it all out in one breath. She pauses for a moment, like she's worried or something.

"Is everything OK? You've never done this before. You would be about four hours late if you had decide to show up! That's so unlike you! What's going on?" Her tone is full of worry.

"I know. I know. It's just, something happened last night. I know it's very last minute and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, but I've just got to stay home today. I'll work twice as hard tomorrow I swear! I promise I'll be there tomorrow. Okay?"

"I believe you Allen. I'm just worried. You better tell me everything! I better get off the line, we have fifteen hundred orders to fill today."

"Alright. Thank you, Lenalee. You're sweet."

"Yeah yeah. And you OWE me. See ya"

"Bye."

I'm still sitting on the couch. Still oblivious as to how I can fix or brighten this situation. The awful feelings start to creep back and I feel sick again. I set my phone down and lay down on the couch. I just don't know what I should do. What if somehow I do find out what happened last night, and I don't like it? I'm so scared I'll never know and it could haunt me for the rest of my life, and I'm also scared it will be something terrible, awful, and I won't want to know, but if I do know, I'll know forever.

Once you see something, you can't "un-see" it. The same goes for words. I would know, I work at a publishing company. I need courage, strength, confidence, and I really need to stop acting like a teenager.

I get off the couch and get up to make coffee. My phone rings and I grab it, finding a new text message waiting for me. An unregistered number, I might as well leave it alone. It's probably just that guy again, threatening me or spewing something that doesn't make any sense.

I set my phone down by the sink and suddenly I'm a little upset I didn't come home last night. I grimace at the dirty dishes in the sink. This apartment is small and I don't have a dishwasher. Living by myself, I don't have that many usually, but if you absolutely despise doing dished like I do, it doesn't matter if you have one, or ten, you just hate doing it. I get to work on the dishes before I get to my coffee. After I finally get everything done, I decide to just take a chance and look at what the message says, just in case my luck turns around for the day. I can't believe how right I was.

"Sorry the queen bee is such a bitch this morning. -Lavi" I couldn't be any happier. I feel like my day just got better. I know what that guy said. He told me not to talk to him. But I want to, so I'm going to.

"I'm sorry I just left like that but I didn't know what to do.

Waiting for him to respond, sitting in silence felt like the hardest part of my life.

"It's probably best you did. Look, to explain things simply, don't listen to a damn thing he says. We're not a couple. I got your note. We should meet up to talk."

This is great. This is just what I need. Now I can find out what happened and maybe, somehow, things will turn out OK.

"When and where?" I can't type fast enough and I have to go back and fix my mistakes several times before I can send the message.

"London Public Library. Off North Wortley. Thirty minutes"

I'm glad I called into work today. I quickly get dressed. Something classy, business casual. I want to look good for him. I grab a jacket and head out. It's still raining out, much harder than before. I'm lucky I live so close to the subway station. I run to the station and get on a train. It takes about fifteen minutes to reach Grand Ave., and then another 10 to walk from Grand up to Whortley. The library is on the left side of the street. I'm exhausted by the time I get there. I started running as soon as I got off the train. I stand outside, trying to catch my breath. I decide to text Lavi and let him know I'm here.

"I'm here. Where are you?"

I was afraid I'd gotten here a little too early, but he responds almost immediately, so I assume he's here too.

"Let's play a little game. Come find me. I'll be waiting in the library."

No way. You're kidding me. I have to find him? What, like hide and seek? This seem childish, but I have to find out, so I do as I'm told. I wouldn't be as annoyed, but the library is huge. There are three floors. I want clues, but I don't want to ask. I stand inside the main entrance, wondering where I should start looking first.

I head to the very back of first floor. This is the kids section. Children's literature, classics, bedtime stories, coloring books. I head upstairs. This entire floor is dedicated to research, holding encyclopedias, historical event accounts, etc. The third floor holds whatever didn't fit on the first floor and didn't belong on the second. There's a romantic fiction section, anatomy books, and historical fiction in the front. The back is filled with best-sellers of years ago, potty literature and things that people who actually read real books would never touch. I head to the romantic literature area, going past shelves and shelves of saucy romance novels with steamy covers of half naked men and other things. I continue on. It seems they've divided up novels into categories since the last time I was here, and they flow more like they would in a bookstore. There a section labeled "gay erotica" which I glance past quickly and fully intent to avoid all together. I get another text message. I'm standing in the middle of all the rows of shelves for the romance section.

"You're really close"

You have got to be kidding me.

I look around to make sure there isn't anyone around up here to see me walk into the section labeled "gay erotica." I'm so embarrassed I could die.

I don't see anyone when I get back to the furthest section and the last row of shelves on the right side. Then I hear something move behind me. I turn aroudn quickly. 

"Lavi?"

I'm greeted by a not-so-familiar face. A blast of orange hair, pierced ears, things I don't really remember. But I know it's him. He moves towards me quickly, I move backwards to step away from him a little, he' getting really close very quickly. I feel shelves of books behind me. He corners me. I'm nervous, scared, and a little desperate, and he's not making it any easier.

"There's no mistaking that hair color of yours. It's completely white."

"I-I could say the same for you. Orange."

He gets as close to me as he possibly can, and puts his arms around my waist. He's taller than me, by at least a foot. I feel him lean into me, and nuzzle into my hair. He kisses my hair. I want to put my arms around him too, and embrace him, but I'm too scared. Suddenly I have no confidence and I can't even manage to ask what I've been dying to know for the last couple of hours.


	3. Chapter 3

I finally manage the courage to embrace him, and I start crying like a fucking idiot. I close my eyes and snuggle into him. He doesn't move. I keep still too, but the tears keep coming, and I can't stop them. There's no one to stare at us, and nothing worldly to worry about. It's just me and him. I need to catch my breath. I just had to make things awkward...

I manage to get my shit together and stop bawling like a stupid loser. I move to look up at him, and he moves back, still holding me. He just looks at me, and then leans down and kisses me. He moves his hands up and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. He's so sweet; and his hair really is orange. He looks a bit silly, honestly, but I'm sure he could say the same for me. He breaks our kiss, and without saying anything, grabs my hand and leads me out of the book section. We get outside and just start waking. The rain has finally let up and it looks pretty clear out. He isn't looking at me, but still holding my hand, like he's looking for something else. We walk past a big fountain and the park, and finally past a bridal shop. He's still leading me. I have time to really study him, all of him. His hair is really spiky, short in the back and longer in the front. The spikes looks fluffy and soft. Holding his hand make me warm, and I really want to smile, but I'm still feeling surprised about all of this. We reach an alley and walk a little ways back, and then he stops suddenly and turns to face me. He doesn't let go of my hand, but walks toward me so my back is up against the wall, and I can't escape. I start to say something, anything, just to figure out what the hell we're doing back here but he pushes me, forces me hard against the wall, and kisses me deeply. He moves his arms put and puts his hands on my shoulders. I'm almost out of breath and kind of panting as me moves back and breaks our kiss.

"I never thought I would see you again." His speech is sudden, but he trails off quickly. He's searching for the same words I am. I'm not sure what to do. I just need to listen. He pulls my hand close to his chest.

"I had a really, really great time last night. I'd really like it if..."

"I-if?"

"I mean...I'd like it if we started dating."

He finished his sentence softly. His voice level is rather low now, almost a whisper.

"I want to be with you."

This is so sudden, almost spontaneous. I'm waiting for him to start laughing or punch my shoulder and tell me he's joking or something. He doesn't. He's being dead serious. He just stands there, staring at me. I want to look away, but I'm caught and held by his gaze. He squeezes my hand against his chest. He leans forward, ready to kiss me again.

"W-wait!" I almost scream at him.

"W-wait. I...I just need to know what happened last night, please. I honestly can't remember anything. Please, please just tell me."

I'm so scared. I stopped him though, for now. Even if I'm only postponing what will happen inevitable. He still might try it again...

"Last night...At the bar or my apartment?" He grinned as he said the last part, and I was caught off guard as he started laughing at me. He's still so close to me.

"A-all of it, p-please..."

I can't say anything anymore. I'm overwhelmed with the current situation. He leans in and kisses me again. This feels so right, so good. I don't want to stop him anymore. He's so warm. I can't help it; I let a light moan out, its muffled and light because of his mouth covering mine. He moves his tongue around mine, then underneath. I shut my eyes tight. My body wants this, and it won't let me say no. I don't really know what I want right now, but I know I want more of this. I open my mouth a little wider, and press against him. I move my tongue around his, not really knowing what I'm doing. He seems to like it. I can feel him smile through our hot, wet kiss. This little space makes me realize how much air I'm missing and I gasp for breath. He breaks the kiss. I breathe out hard, and he pushes me against the wall again, I open my eyes suddenly, in enough time to see him move forward and unbutton my jacket. He moves his hand underneath my shirt, a little too quickly. I shiver at his sudden touch. My body feels hot all over, I can't stop myself from breathing out hard again, he notices that he's getting somewhere with this, He moves his hand up, the around my side, and strokes my body slowly.

"But you've gotta remember this, right?"

He moves his hand up quickly and touches my nipple, and I let out another haughty gasp. I turn my head. I can't look at him. This feels weird. I just wanted to know what happened last night, and it's turned into this. What exactly is he planning to do? Show me? He moves closer to me, his face so close to my neck I can feel him breathe and shiver again. Just that one small movement, and then he flicks his tongue over my neck, and I can't take it anymore.

I grab him and pull him close to me. I'm panting for breath again. He licks my neck over and over until it feels wet and slippery. The sickly sweet sounds I'm letting out embarrass me to the point where I focus on nothing else but covering my mouth. He takes the opportunity to feel around my body. I feel like I'm about to pass out.

He whispers into my ear.

"We met at the bar, remember. Your co-workers introduced you to me. Then we went our separate ways. Your buddies were having too much of a good time with the strippers, to watch how much you had to drink."

I move my hands to the back of his neck, pulling him even closer to me, and run my hands through his hair.

"I watched you all night. You tried to stay in the lounge as long as possible, but the longer you sat there, the more the alcohol took effect. Your dumb ass friends left without you, so I figured I had no choice but to..."

He planted soft kisses down my neck, and pushed his leg between mine, moving up against the wall until I could feel him right between my legs, next to a spot that was getting more sensitive by the second.

"I took you home. I couldn't help myself."

I have little flashbacks of getting in his car, a flight of stairs, white carpet, light tiles, so many stairs. How drunk was I?

More kisses down my neck. My head feels heavy. I lean back against the wall. I'm breathing faster now, trying to think about anything else, something far away, so that I don't get hard while he's pressing against me. That would be so embarrassing...

He stops everything and moves away from me. I must look like a total mess by now. I move away from the wall, take a few steps, and sort of throw myself at him. He hugs me and holds me. It doesn't feel weird at all. I really like it.

"Come on, let's go back to my place." He smiles at me.

And then I really did pass out.


	4. Chapter 4

When I wake up, I'm inside his car. It smells like cigarettes, menthol lights. I look over, just as we come to a stop light, and he lights up. He looks over at me.

"Want one?"

He smiles at me. I feel too tired to answer. I close my eyes and shake my head. I'm feeling really sleepy. I hear the leather shift as he leans over and grabs my face, holding my chin up. I open my eyes. I'm staring right into his eyes, they're so beautiful. The brightest green I've ever seen. He kisses me, and I can feel the smoke pass from his mouth to mine. Lucky me, I've at least smoked a couple of times before, and my my boss Cross smokes at least a pack a day, if not more, because otherwise, I would have choked. He breaks the kiss and moves away from me. I have no idea how long we've been driving or where we could be going. He rolls down the windows. I close my eyes. I can't keep my fucking mouth shut though. I feel really strange. I said something stupid like "I need you" or "I want to be with you too." I don't really remember. He didn't say anything, he just grabbed my hand, squeezed, and then let go again. He just kept driving and I fell asleep again.

When I wake up this time, I hear footsteps coming towards me. I sit up quickly, and throw blankets off of me. Lavi's standing beside the bed. This room looks similar to the one I woke up in this morning. All the furniture is ultra-modern, but the color scheme is very organic. Browns, light beige, and teal blues cover the walls and wooden furniture. What place is this?

"Where are we?"

"This is my business loft."

My attention isn't on where I'm at anymore. I look at Lavi up and down. He isn't wearing much. A long sleeve pajama shirt, and these really cute briefs...

"Are you OK?"

He sits next to me on the bed and rustles my hair.

"You had me a little worried when you wouldn't even wake up to get out of the car. But you were still breathing, so I figured you we fine."

He kisses my hair and pulls my face close to his. He's acting like we're lovers already. Suddenly all those questions that I didn't finish asking come out all at once.

"Is the guy that texted me this morning really your boyfriend?"

He laughs at me again.

I look away from him quickly.

"Oh. Kanda? My boyfriend? Hm."

He gets off the bed, and moves across the room, towards the large windows that look the same as the in the place I woke up in this morning.

It's raining again.

"No. Kanda and I were an item once, but only because we look so damn good together. He's a fashion model you know. His manager and my producer set it up, it was just good for business. "

Before he can turn around to look back at me, I'm up and off the bed. I close the gap between us quickly, and throw my arms around him. It feels so wonderful to embrace him. Then I remember he isn't wearing any pants...

My body feels like its moving on it's own. I don't know what I'm doing.

He pulls me close to him.

"Why did you leave this morning? You could have stayed, you know. It would have made things a lot easier, at least."

"I'm sorry..."

I feel like I could start crying, again. What the hell is my problem today.

"I don't usually go out an party with anyone from work. It's not that they don't invite me or anything, it's just..."

"Not your thing?"

"Yeah. And well, usually it's hard for me to get into places like that. It's a hassle, so I don't go often. My friends say they don't mind, but I'd just rather not honestly"

"What do you mean its hard for you to get in?"

"I'm underage."

He's got this really weird look on his face now. I think he's in shock.

"H-how much underage?"

He can't even form a correct sentence. He's in shock.

"I mean, how old are you exactly?"

He's starting to scare me.

"It's not as bad as you think I swear. It's not like I'm 14 or something, you know."

"Yeah, but underage for a nightclub..."

I look down and realize I'm not wearing my own clothes. These must be his, the shirt is kind of oversized, but longer than anything I would wear, since he's taller than me.

"D-did you change my clothes?"

I'm seriously starting to freak out.

"Look, just tell me how old you are!"

I think he's freaking out too.

"Jeez! Relax! I'm 17, OK?"

"Oh thank god..."

"WHAT?"

"It's just that..."

I can't stop it from coming out, I didn't choose my words carefully at all.

"Did we have sex last night?" I stammer out, really awkwardly.

"No. I promise, we didn't get that far."

"So, how far did we get...And why did you bite me?"

He starts to laugh, but stops. He avoids my question.

He pushes me back, walking towards me so I keep taking steps back, until I feel the bed behind me. He keeps getting closer. I sit down on the bed. Before I can do anything to stop him, he pulls my shirt off. My bare skin gets cold quickly. He pushes me back on the bed, still just standing there, staring at me. He crawls on top of me. My hear is racing. He strokes my face, caresses my hair, and gently kisses me. I close my eyes. We start to make out again, but we hear footsteps, and both look up at the same time.

Looks like we've got company. A person I swear I've seen somewhere before stands before us. He's totally gorgeous, with a slender figure and long, dark black hair. He's wandered in nonchalantly, and doesn't seem to care that he's clearly interrupting something intimate. Lavi leans off of me, just a little bit. He stops in the middle of the room, close to the bed. He stares at me, then at Lavi.

"Is that the kid from last night? You're kidding me, right? Seriously? He's like, 12. You're a fucking pedophile." The gorgeous guy laughs a little bit, and then looks disgusted. He stares right at Lavi.

"No really. Are you into that sort of thing now. I know you've been acting like a totally retard since we split up, but this is pretty stupid, even for you." He covers his mouth as he laughs again, and walks over closer to us.

He's taller than Lavi. He has beautiful long, black hair, and sort of piercing, ice berg colored eyes. I'd admire him a little more, but I'm totally confused.

Lavi moves off the bed, and moves toward the other guy.

"Tell me you miss me." Then Lavi kisses him. He puts both hands on his face, and kisses him right on the mouth. The other guy's expression stayed the same the whole time, but as soon as Lavi pulled back, he slapped him across the face. He used his long sleeve shirt to wipe his mouth.

"That's disgusting! What the fuck is your problem? You stupid-"

This must be Kanda.

"Kanda, what's wrong? I could have sworn you loved anything that tasted bitter."

Confirmed.

"You stupid son-of-a-bitch."

Lavi's got this great smile on his face. He's clearly gotten the best of him, and Kanda knows it.

Kanda looks over at me, his gaze is angry, but fleeting.

"You were such a waste of time. Fuck you, and fuck your brat. Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore. You're such an awful fuck."

He turned and left as quickly as possible, slamming the door on his way out.

Lavi just stood there for a while. He didn't look at me or anything else. He just stared at the floor. He stayed like that for a long time. Then, he got back in bed with me, but he just lies next to me this time. I turned towards him, and we stared into each others eyes. He's not a cheery as before. I don't know what I should do. He moves his arm us and just rubs my face.

"You're so cute."

"So, we really didn't have sex last night? "

"...No."

"A-are we...going to?"

I feel like such a child all of a sudden. Did I really have to ask something like that?

He just lays there, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't say anything.

I get up and move over him, and straddle him. I'm just sitting on top of him, with ho shirt. I place my hand on his chest. It's really odd actually. He's wearing a long sleeve shirt, and briefs. And I'm not wearing a shirt at all, but I have pajama pants on. I rub his sides a little, then move my hands under his shirt. He jolts a little, because it's freezing in here, and my my whole top half is really cold. I move my hand over his hard, muscular and flat stomach. I press down a little, and he breathes out. I work on moving my hand down, now that I know what he's like under the shirt.

"Are you really 17? How old are you really?"

"How do you know I'm not `17?"

"I just do. Tell me the truth."

"Old enough."

I move my hand down a little lower, to the band on his underwear, and he grabs me and hold my hand tightly.

"I'm serious. I'm not kidding. Kanda may be a dumb bitch but he was right about one thing. You do look like you're 12. And while I don't mind kissing you, I'm not up for going to jail. The press would have a god damned field day with something like that. I'd definitely be out of work."

His eyes meet mine and suddenly I can't move. I want to get off of him and just leave. Maybe that's what I should have done.

I'll press my luck.

"I'm 17."

"Liar. You think I didn't look through your stuff last night. I already know exactly how old you are. That's exactly why I didn't take advantage of the situation last night. You passed out and I look through your wallet. Think of it as a mini background check. Any guy that comes home with me gets one."

"I need to thank you, for taking care of me. You, you didn't even have to do that for me, last night."

"Really, there's no need to thank me. It started off as something really selfish. But the more I was with you, the more I realized I was falling for you."

"But we..we've never even met before last night. It's that crazy? You brought me home and, you didn't have to. I-"

"Look the questions from earlier weren't because I didn't notice. Everyone could probably tell you're underage. You don't act like the older kids, but in a good way. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me straight up."

"Does it change anything, that I didn't?"

"Not really."

I move to get off of him, but he puts his hands on my hips and pull me back down. I'm sitting right on his lap...

"It's really cold in here."

I try to move again, and brush against him, and I can feel how hard he's getting beneath me. I guess my being underage didn't change his true intentions.

"You never told me all of what happened last night."

"Because nothing really did happen. You were drunk and I wasn't proud of what I was going to do with you, but I was looking forward to it. We fooled around, I bit you, then you fell asleep. That's it. I checked your walled and was super glad I decided not to jump into anything last night. I was still sorry you were gone in the morning, though."

I felt really awful about leaving, all over again. I felt horrible.

"Look, I know how old you are, and even if it's 'under willed consent', we still can't legally do, well, anything. I can barley get away with kissing you."

"Don't we have a way around that."

"Like what?"

"We both just keep our mouths shut."

I let my fingers trace the top band of his underwear, again. He grabs my wrists, and I let got of his briefs. He taps my legs, and as I lift up off of him, he arches his back moving his lower half upward, and pulls his underwear off. He pulls me to sit back down on top of him, now that he's naked underneath me. He stretches up and I help him pull his shirt off. I still have my pajama pants on. I can feel him, rock hard, beneath me. He's pressing into my pajamas. I put my hands on his stomach, and he grabs me and pulls me down on top of him.


	5. Chapter 5

He kisses me, gently. I part my lips more so he can move his tongue inside my mouth. I move my tongue around his, the hot wet feeling makes me let go of any doubts or prior thoughts I had before. I've decide anything from this point on, I shouldn't think about it: no reconsidering, no doubting, and no second-guessing. I'm just going to do what my body wants me to do, and hopefully what my heart wants, too. He bites my bottom lip, and pulls. He's just so sexy. When he lets go, I kiss him hard, I move my hands to his face, grabbing him as I kiss him hard again.

Too much.

He sits up, moving me with him, and we start kissing all over again. I'm beginning to lose my breath more and more quickly. He bites my lip and pulls again. I want him to be rough with me. I grab his hands and move them to my waist. He pulls me down again, and we roll over so he's on top of me. He pulls my arms above my head and then sits up. He keeps my arms above me and uses on hand to work on getting my pants off. I want them off, I want him to take me, and I want to feel his hands all over me. He moves off of me, pulling my pants off, and then lets go of me. I'm sort of confused. I'm completely naked now, just laying in front of him. It's so cold, and I'm definitely hard, and there is now way of hiding it. Then again, he's the same right now...

I suddenly feel shy, so I move one of my hands own, but he stops me. I'm staring into his eyes. My breathing is increasing suddenly, just from the newness of the situation. I want him so bad; but at the same time I'm so scared. This is my first time doing anything romantic with anyone, ever. It is sudden; and furthermore, for my first trial of intimacy, it will be with another man.

Suddenly, I'm not sure how I feel about anything. It has only now occurred to me that I am just now thinking about this! But then, didn't I decide earlier, that I wouldn't do this? I wouldn't reconsider, or second-guess myself, right? And let's be honest, you only live once.

My body knows what it wants. I just want to do this with him. There is a difference. I could let him do things _to_ me, but I want to do this _with _him. He's still holding my hand, he pulls it closer to his face, and kisses me. I can feel my chest rise and I gasp but try to keep my mouth closed so that it doesn't sound like one. I want him so bad. I don't know what I'm feeling; excitement, I suppose. He lets go of my hand, and puts one hand on my hardening erection. I watch as he leans down and takes all of me into his mouth. I sit up fast, gripping the sheets tightly. I breathe out heavily and he stops, looking up at me.

I give him a nod, and he continues. He slips his tongue around my head, underneath and over the top, again and again. I shut my eyes tightly. He pulls my cock out of his mouth slowly, making a popping noise. He flicks his tongue around the top, and then up and down my whole length. I can't help crying out, but this times he knows it is because I like what he's doing. My face feels hot.

He has to shift his body, to lick the parts of me he wants. He's hitting all the right spots, just using his tongue. He swallows me again. His mouth is so hot. Engulfed in his sweet mouth, I start to get tense, feeling a tingling inside me, knowing I'm already getting close. I can't help it; he's just too good. He goes down again, and I can feel my cock hit the back of his throat this time. He doesn't choke. He pulls me out, but stops right at my head, and bites a little. I'm caught off guard and let out a squeaking noise, which I'm deathly ashamed of. His mouth makes a popping noise as he pulls me out again, and he snickers at me, and my high pitched cry. He moves down again, biting the top, then continuing until I can feel his throat again, and I feel the sensation again. I run my hand through his hair. He pulls me out again, pumping me hard with his hand, and sucks and bites at the side of my cock. He's a pro at what he's doing. I'm so close to cumming, but I want to hold off as long as I can. He goes down again, sucking me hard, moving his mouth up and down quickly. Over and over again, he keeps a steady pace. It looks like I'm not going to be able to hold it in after all. He swallows me whole, and bites down right at my base.

"F-fuck..."

Words escape my mouth. Not the ones I wanted. I want to call his name, tell him he's amazing, just anything but that.

He's flicking his tongue around the bottom of my cock, and I'm still right at the back of his throat. I want to warn him, because I'd definitely about to cum.

"L-Lavi..."

He grabs my hips and pulls me forward. I can't even go any further. I feel like I'm probably choking him. The combination of the hotness of his mouth and his constant tongue flickering is too much.

"A-ah!"

I can't manage anything else before I fill his throat with my seed. He doesn't move back, or choke. I feel his throat contract, as he swallows it all. He still has his hands on my hips. I jerk forward, releasing more into his throat. Fuck. I can't keep quiet while I'm getting off. I'm making all these sick little noises, just like a woman. I let go of the sheet and fall back onto the bed. I cover my mouth with both hands. I can still hear myself moaning, crying out. It's pretty bad when you turn yourself on. My hips jerk again. I'm still in his mouth. He pulls me out, a little further. When he thinks I'm done, he pulls me out, and wraps his hand around me. His hands are really cold, and my whole body is burning and it feels amazing, but sort of shocking after being in his mouth all that time, and somehow I manage to cum again. I practically blow another full load all over his face. He licks off whatever he can from the side of his face. That's so fucking hot.

He moves his hand up to my face, and I lick off all my sperm from his hand, and start to lick some off his face. He finishes cleaning up and licking the rest off on his own.

He lays next to me, kissing my neck and face. I feel like I can't move, even though I feel really great right now, and my body feels sort of light and airy. He moves over me, and puts his arm around my shoulder and back, pulling me up towards him. He pulls me up and kisses me. I can still taste myself on his lips. I honestly think I would have thought that was disgusting, but it doesn't really bother me. I'm willing to do anything to please him. Considering how good he is, I just hope I live up to his expectations. I'm hot all over suddenly, even thought the room is still freezing. He breaks the kiss and lets go of me, laying me back on the bed, and pulls the covers over us. I don't really feel ready for what's going to happen next.


	6. Chapter 6

He holds my face close to his, and kisses me softly. He's so soft, so gentle with me. I throw both arms over him, and hug his neck, pulling him into me. We stay locked like this so long, I'm beginning to think he's changed his mind. He nuzzles into my neck. I can feel his warm breath on my neck, behind my ear, and the limpness between my legs starts to harden again.

"Look, it's not like I don't want this, but if anyone found out..."

"I told you before I wouldn't say anything if you didn't."

"It's just that, I'm twenty-four, and you're not even-"

"Just say it. I'm fifteen. And you don't want to go to jail."

"My whole career would be at stake if anyone found out. I'm just, not sure."

"Not sure if I'm worth it, right? "

He doesn't say anything for a while. Just as I move to push him off of me and get out of bed, he pins me down.

"That's not what I meant. "

He kisses my forehead, and then my hair, and holds me tightly.

"This feels so right. I don't want to let you go. It just seems perfect."

I'm not sure what he means. Today has been far from perfect. I guess if he means the way he feels about me, spontaneous yet very close to being undevoted, and so passionate I can't describe, then I guess I feel that too. Why are we talking about this just now. Did I get carried away earlier? This wasn't how things were supposed to go...

I won't let these feelings be fleeting. I won't let him get away. Not at all.

I kiss him, hard, and in our hot exchange of breathe, neither of us can get any words out. I won't let him stop this time.

Naked. Exposed. Hot.

His touch is more than I can handle. I feel him bite into my neck. It hurts, but in a sickly good way. I dig my nails into his shoulders. He licks up my neck, leaving me hot and sticky. We kiss, on and off, leaving me in a mess and unable to breathe correctly. I close my eyes. I'm so hot, it's getting hard to move underneath him. I'm fading in and out; it kind of feels like I could fall asleep. He moves off of me for a second, and I hear him rustling in the bedside table. Finally. There is no turning back after this. He kisses my face, to warn me, then spreads my legs apart. I feel the cold, thick liquid touch my entrance, and let a haughty moan escape my throat. He grabs my legs and pulls me to him. I grab a hold of his arms, tightly. He leans down and kisses my face all over.

"I love you, Allen."

He licks my neck again, and I shiver. He snickers.

I want to tell him not to laugh, but I'm too preoccupied with the situation before me.

He thrusts into me, slowly, but hard enough to make sure he goes all the way in. I gasp sharply, wincing from pain, but hold back any sharp noises from escaping my throat. After what I had to go through to get him to go this far, I don't want him stopping for any reason.

I'm having my first time with someone I have strong feelings for. Isn't than all anyone could ask for? Even though we hardly know each other, I'm so happy right now.

He's waiting, to gauge my reaction.

"I-its OK. You can move..."

"Are you sure? It seems a little soon. I can let you adjust."

He moves a little further, and I know he's all the way in now.

He moves in and out, slowly at first. It hurts, but not a lot. I think the strangest part is just the foreignness of having a part of someone elses body inside you. It's so intimate, so wonderful. He kisses my face. I close my eyes and he starts to move a little faster. I feel like I can't let go of him; I'm not exactly scared, because I know it will feel good in a little while, but I'm so unsure of what to do. He starts to move faster, I can feel his cock slide in and out of my ass.

"h-ah! Lavi!" Cries of pain and please escape my throat. I can't stop them. With each thrust, he lays kisses down my neck, moving closer to me. He keeps pushing.

"u-Uah!" He's pumping in and out of me very quickly now. I don't want this to be over.

I feel him smile as he lays a kiss on my lips. He moves his hands from my legs to my hips, and then back again, like he's not sure where he should keep them. He pulls me up, onto his lap. I arch my back and let him slide in again. I move my hands to his shoulders and dig my nails into him. I move my hips up, right as he moves his.

"Just stay like that." He says, panting hard.

I stay still, and he slams his cock into my hole, over and over, quickening his pace.

"oh...f-fuck..h-hnn..." He slams into me over and over again. I quickly throw my arms around him, to hold onto him tightly, and he grabs my hips, pushing my down and grinding into me. I can feel the rising pleasure, sending shivers up my spine. My whole body feels light suddenly as he fucks my ass harder.

He licks up the side of my neck, getting me even closer. I won't be able to hold it much longer. It's so embarrassing. I'm sure he can go a lot longer. I cum so quickly, because I'm not used to doing this.

The pressure is building.

He's fucking me even faster now. I didn't think that was possible. I'm so close to cumming. I don't want a repeat of earlier, so I try to warn him ahead of time.

"L-lavi...I..I can't hold it in...I'm gonna..." He kisses my neck, and then bites down hard.

It hurts, and I lose control, cumming, spilling it all over his chest and mine, because we're so close.

He lets go, kissing the place he bit, and then kisses my lips. He pushes deep inside me and then lays me back down on the bed. Hot and sticky all over, and I love it.

He starts to move in and out again, slow at first. He moves his fingers over his chest, scooping off some of the mess I left, and licks it off his fingers. He leans down to kiss me, and starts pumping in and out faster again. I hold him tightly against me.

"A-Allen...I.."

He squeezes his eyes shut.

"I love you..."

He pushes in deep and I feel him cream my insides. It feels so wonderful.

"I-I love you, too, Lavi." I manage to get out, through gasps of air, and I struggle to breathe. He doesn't make it any easier, as he starts to kiss me, and pushes his tongue into my mouth. We kiss over and over.

He stares into my eyes and smiles at me.

"Delicious."

He closed the gap between us, and laid on top of me, moving the sweat off my hairline, kissing my face all over, before rolling over and laying beside me. He grabbed my hand and held it to his chest.

"I love you so much."

We lay there panting. I close my eyes, and just as think I should say it back, I feel so sleepy and start to call his name, but I fall asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up later that evening, warm, feeling Lavi's arms around me. He's holding me tightly against him. His hair is down in his face, it's kind of cute. I don't want to move and leave him, but I have an immense headache, and I need relief from the pain. I move his arms off of me and slide out of bed. I find it hard to walk, and that there are other places than just my neck that are very, very sore. I find the long over sized t-shirt from earlier and slip it on. I manage to walk to the door, trying to walk as quietly as possible. I close the door gently behind me and walk down a long narrow hallway. I have no idea how to navigate his apartment, or loft, or whatever this is. I keep walking down the hallway into what seems like a living room. That gorgeous guy is there again, just sitting on the couch. He's drinking something from a clear scotch glass. I hear the ice clink against the side of the glass as he moves it toward his mouth. He stops and looks over at me. I feel like I've been caught doing something bad, with the way he's staring at me.

"If you're looking for the bathroom, it's to the left."

He looks away from me and takes a drink. He puts the glass down on the table in front of him and gets up from the couch. He moves toward me so quickly I really freak out when I realize he's almost right up against me.

"Tch. Or were you looking for something else?"

He slams his hand on the wall behind me, right next to me. He's standing way too close to me. He smells like vanilla, and vodka.

"I...Its just that I have a headache and I'd like some pain medication."

He moves his hand around my waist, and leans forward just enough to kiss the side of my neck. He's clearly drunk...

I make a shrill noise as he bites into my neck.

I back up and hit the wall, harder than I had expected. My head hurts even worse now.

"You know, that tends to happen when you fuck on the first date. That's pretty slutty of you, don't you think? There's pain medication on the second shelf in the cabinet with the mirror in the bathroom. It's to the left."

That sentence didn't come out perfect; he slurs a couple of words and can't seem to stand up straight.

"Y-you just told me that a minute ago..."

He moves past me and down the hallway.

"Also, you taste disgusting. I hate disgusting things."

Its dark and I can't see where he went, down the other side of the hallway. I feel sick all of a sudden though. I shrink down and slide down the wall. My head hurts even worse than just a few seconds ago. I sort of stumble and crawl to the bathroom. I reach around to find the light switch. The bright light just makes the pain worse. I finally see the cabinet with a small mirror on the front and open it. There are only a couple of bottles in here, and the pain medicine is easy to spot. I shake three out of the bottle and put it back in the cabinet. It still hurts to move. How long did Lavi and I go at it? It didn't seem long at all, but there wasn't anyway to judge time. I can't even guess really.

I make my way out of the bathroom and down the hallway, back to the living room. The kitchen is right across the room, first a dining table, all metal and angles, like everything else in this place. I move past it to the kitchen, and search through the first four top cabinets before I find a regular clear drinking glass. I pull it down and set it down on the counter. It sounds a lot louder than it probably was. I really need to take these pills. I fill the glass with water and swallow down the three pills, before I have to sit down on the floor. The tile is cold, but lucky for me this baggy shirt covers most of my body from it.

"Jesus. Can't you even walk correctly."

Dammit I just can't get away from him. I didn't even hear him come into the kitchen. His bangs are covering his face, I can't tell where he is looking. He stumbles, and ends up on the floor next to me. He's got a whole bottle of alcohol this time, replacing the glass from earlier I suppose. I realize he was talking to himself a minute ago, not me. He leans back against the counter and since he's ridiculously close to me again, I take the time to look him over. He's got this really odd V-neck sweater on, something I know I've seen in a magazine before, and dark, tight jeans. The seams on the side have white and gray thread running through them. He looks really really good in them. His jeans have buttons on the outside, in place of a zipper, and as I'm looking at them I realize they're all undone.

I get caught staring.

As I look up at him, his eyes meet mine, and we're locked together. He leans in and tries to kiss me. I move away from him quickly.

"What are you doing?"

"Cashing in my bad luck."

He moves forward again and grabs my wrist, tightly. I try to get away, but he pulls me back towards him, and then onto his lap. He jeans hurt as they rub into my bear skin, and I wriggle and squirm trying to get away. He moves his other hand in front of me, keeping me on his lap. He's still holding the bottle of vodka in front of him. I can feel him starting to get hard beneath me. I'm starting to freak out. I try harder to get away. This time trying to lift myself off of him, and break free from his grip. When I move up to get off of him, he lets go for just a second, to set the bottle down, and I break free and try to run. He grabs me again, and holds me against him, so tight it hurts.

"Let go!"

He kisses the back of my neck, and lifts my shirt up to touch me. He starts at my hips, then slides his hand up and down my side. I shiver at his cold touch. He starts to touch me, all over my body, moving his hands all over me. The medication is starting to take effect. It hits me hard. My muscles all start to relax at the same time. I feel sleepy, and I find it hard to move my body. I can't resist him anymore. He's still kissing me; all over. I want to resist, but I can't move. I feel cold, wet liquid all over me. It smells strong, like ethanol. The vodka; he's pouring it all over me. I shut my eyes so it dosen't burn them, but I let out a stifled gasp. It's shocking; the alcohol is so cold, and I can't do anything about it. He throws the bottle to the side, and it shatters over the tile.

"Get up."

I try, but I can't move. He lets go of me, and I fall forward. I feel him grab my arms, and pull, dragging me. I try to tell him to stop, or scream, something, anything; but I just can't. My breathing slows, and I can't move at all anymore. I pass out.


	8. Chapter 8

How much time has passed?

When I wake up, I'm laying on the couch Kanda was on earlier. He's on top of me leaning over me, pinning my arms above me. Why does this keep happening...

"A-ah! L-let go.." I try to pull away but the sleep wasn't enough to take away the complete effect of the medicine. I try to at least squirm or wriggle my way out of his grip. Kanda doesn't stop of course. He grabs my cock with his free hand, pressing his thumb down on the tip. He squeezes. My entire body shudders. He's taken my shirt off, so I'm completely naked under him. He runs his tongue down my neck, hitting just the right spot. He bites down. It hurts but from being bitten in the same spot a couple of times before, from him and Lavi, I think I'm starting to like it. I'm not sure how I'm so suddenly coherent after waking up, but once again I had no way to judge time, so there's a good chance I was out for a while.

"So...How did it feel?"

"W-Wha-"

"Oh. That's right. You were asleep the whole time. You were still pretty good, despite that. Heh. "

"You..."

He kisses my face. I think I know what he's getting at; but I can't feel all of my body yet. I'm still numb.

"W-what..."

He lets go of my arms, and I find myself relaxing beneath him. He leans down closer to me, kissing my again, I move my face away from his.

"stop..."

"You didn't say that earlier."

"W-what did you do? "

My words aren't coming out completely normal. It's hard to hear him, and hard to speak.

He pulls my head up, and makes me watch as he pushes two fingers inside of my hole. He pushes deep inside, and rubs them a little. He pulls them out, recovering white, sticky ooze. I feel sick suddenly.

"N-no.."

"It's far too late for that now. It's already been done. I bet you can't wait until he finds out."

"W-why?"

"Why? Why not? You stole the one thing that's ever been truly mine."

Revenge. The faltered side of rage that misleads intentions. I feel so guilty. Lavi told me they were never together. That didn't mean Kanda never had feelings towards him.

"LOOK AT ME!" Kanda take a tight grip on my neck. He's really angry.

"He got what he wanted from you. Then I had my turn. That's all the happened here, understand?"

"K-kanda..."

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"

I finally get my arms to move, and grab his wrists to try to pull him away from me. I'm still feeling groggy, and it's getting harder to breathe. Struggling to get him off of me, I try to think of ways to loosen his grip; I won't be awake much longer otherwise. This is getting dangerous. My luck is coming back. Kanda is still drunk, and as he pushes down to strangle me, he loses his balance, and we roll off the couch. He didn't let go but, he loosens his grip just enough for me to pull him off of me, and then push him away. I'm free. I get off the floor and stumble. I can't move very quickly and it's too hard to walk. My vision is blurry and the loss of air is causing me to caught and hold my chest. I crawl away from Kanda, I move past the back of the couch, as just as I try to head towards the hallway I stop, seeing two feet in front of me. I look up. Lavi...

He looks down at me, and then over to Kanda. He moves right past me, and straight to Kanda. He grabs Kanda and helps him sit up. I feel guilty again. But I..I didn't do anything wrong, did I?

It all fits so well together. The bottle of vodka. I smell like alcohol. Kanda is still drunk. The pills... I'm having trouble moving on my own...Kanda and I are both naked. I was crawling away from him...

"Dammit. " Lavi grabs me from behind, pulling me up so I'm standing. I lean against him, because there's no way I can walk right now.

"It's not...not what you think. I just took medi-"

"Save it. I don't care what you did. Especially with that-"

He looks over at Kanda.

"I don't believe this. I thought we were perfect. It doesn't matter now. Just get out."

"Please! Please don't do this! It's not at all what it looks like!"

I shudder, feeling cold all around me. I try to hold onto him, but he lets go of me, and I fall back to the floor. Tears. Millions of them. I can't stop them.

"Please..."

"I loved you. I loved you so much. I don't...understand.."

He sits down next to me, and pulls me against him.

"I want to tell you that I can forgive you. But the truth is that I can't. Not after this. If it was anyone else, maybe, somehow I could find a way around it, and I could forgive you. I could let it go. But it was him..."

"You...you don't understand. He tricked me..."

"I'm sure he did. I'm positive he planned it all from the beginning, in fact. But the problem is, you fell for it. I can't forgive that."

"But, I love you..."

"I know."

Lavi helps me into the bedroom, and lays me down on the bed. He pulls the sheets over me.

"When you can move, get dressed. We'll talk...No. You know what, when you can move, get dressed and get out."

He leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

I choke on tears. An overwhelming ache hits me hard. My chest hurts, burns. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, such an evil ache. I can't stop crying. I try not to gasp too loudly. I wish I could be quieter. I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

><p><p>

I wake up to see Lavi lying in front of me. This is just like before...

He's holding me tightly against him. I don't want to move and leave him, but I have an immense headache, and I need relief from the pain. I move his arms off of me and slide out of bed. I find it hard to walk, and that there are other places than just my neck that are very, very sore. I find the long over sized t-shirt from earlier and slip it on . I manage to walk to the door, trying to walk as quietly as possible. I close the door gently behind me and walk down a long narrow hallway. This all seems so very familiar.

I start to walk faster, towards the bathroom. Wasn't Kanda here...

Wait. It was all a _dream_?

That can't be...

The headache is still bothering me, so I get into the bathroom quickly and take two pills from the bottle this time. I come out from the bathroom, and rush out towards the living room. Kanda isn't sitting where he was before...Was he even there before? The dream seemed so real. This can't be right.

I walk to the kitchen. No vodka bottle. I reach around and find a glass and get some water. I only take one of the pills, and throw the other one down the sink. I walk slowly through the kitchen and back to the living room, and finally to the bedroom. Lavi's just lying there, still asleep. I get back into bed with him. He facing away from me, and as I pull the covers back over me, he rolls over and turns towards me.

"I love you." He kisses me and pulls me towards him again. I fall asleep again.

THE END.


	9. Alternate Ending

**Alternate Ending:**

**[This is for all my readers who hate those sappy "happily ever after" endings. I won't let it go at that, and here is the alternate ending to "After You." ]**

* * *

><p><p>

He leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

I choke on tears. An overwhelming ache hits me hard. My chest hurts, burns. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, such an evil ache. I can't stop crying. I try not to gasp too loudly. I wish I could be quieter. I cry myself to sleep.

I get dressed slowly; running tonight's events through my head. Sickly slow motion images, sounds, little irrelevant things come first. Colors. Furniture. Sounds. Aches...

I want to run away from all of this, but at the same time I wish I could save myself from this. I wish he would just give me a chance to understand. I walk out to the living room. Kanda is gone. Lavi is waiting by the door. He won't look at me. He's just standing there. I move close to him, ready to leave, but not ready to let go.

"We could have had everything. I could have given you the world. So why? Just tell me that."

"I told you before, it wasn't how it looked. I would never...I didn't want to, not with him..."

"You're still going to lie to me, after all you've done?"

"I'm not. I'm not lying."

The tears come back so quickly. I can't look him in the face. I don't want to see the hurt, or hate in his eyes.

"I really loved you, Allen."

"You don't understand! I didn't want to do anything with him! Why don't you believe me!"

I throw my arms around him and pull him close to me.

"I didn't. I love you! I love you!" The words don't come out like I want them to, held back by breathlessness and choking on desperate anguish; tears pour out and I can't hold them back. He won't believe me. He won't give me a second chance and I can't change his mind. I feel so helpless. He pushes me away from him and I can feel my heart break. I don't want to let him go. Why doesn't he see...

He unlocks the door and opens it for me.

"I'm sorry." He still won't look at me. He mumbles it a few times before I actually hear him say it out loud.

"I just can't trust you."

I really screwed this up.

I walk out and look back at him. He hasn't shut the door yet, like he's waiting for me to say something.

Finally, he looks up, and our eyes meet.

"I had never loved anyone before you Lavi, and I don't think I can ever love anyone after you."


End file.
